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- Your self-doubt might be a sign of untapped creative genius.
Your self-doubt might be a sign of untapped creative genius.
In a vulnerable letter Hemingway wrote to the poet Ezra Pound back in 1924, we see the young, fearless writer consumed by self-doubt and on the verge of giving up.
What if I told you your insecurities are evidence of untapped creative genius?
When most people think of Hemingway, they think of a highly influential and iconic figure who, in addition to penning some of the great American classics, fought bulls, shot lions, punched poets, loved liquor and survived everything from gunfire to multiple plane crashes.
But there’s a Hem most people don’t know—a side he only revealed to his closest and most trusted friends.
In a vulnerable letter Hemingway wrote to the poet Ezra Pound back in 1924, we see the young, fearless writer consumed by self-doubt and on the verge of giving up.
The letter you’re about to read appears on The Letters of Ernest Hemmingway. Lucky for you, I’m a native Spanish speaker, so I’ve taken the liberty to add translations (between parentheses) where I felt his words needed a little context to make the tea more enjoyable and easier to digest.
*This is Hemingway typing*
Dear Ezra—
Here, at 900 meters above the Nivel del Mare on the Spanish side of the Pyrenees is a good place to observe the ruin of my finances and literary career. Shit. I appeared in the bull ring on 5 different mornings—was cogida (fucked) 3 times—accomplished 4 veronicas (victories) in good form and one natural with the muleta (the red cape matadors use), the last morning, received contusions and abrasions in the pecho (chest) and other places, was drunk twice, saw Bill drunk twice…We haven’t enough pesetas (the currency of Spain at the time) now to pay our hotel Bill and don’t know how we’ll get away from here.
…Having been bitched financially and in a literary way by my friends I take great and unintellectual pleasure in the immediate triumphs of the bull ring with their reward in ovations, alcoholism, being pointed out on the street, general respect and the other things Literary Guys have to wait until they are 89 years old to get.
The Plaza is the only remaining place where valor and art can combine for success. In all other arts the more meazly and shitty the guy, I.E. Joyce, the greater the success in his art…
Then when a guy has a few decent human instincts like yourself what do they do to him? I wish to hell I was 16 and had art and valor.
…I am going to have to quit writing because we haven’t any money. The Transatlantic killed my chances of having a book published this fall and by next Spring some son of a bitch will have copied everything I’ve written and they will simply call me another of his imitators.
Now we haven’t got any money anymore I am going to have to quit writing and I never will have a book published. I feel cheerful as hell. These god damn bastards.
See you about the 27th of the month.
Love to Dorothy
We need a microscope to see the confidence of the novelist who would go on to write “The Sun Also Rises” and “For Whom The Bells Tolls.”
More evident is the insecure twenty-something writer who seems more interested in dramatizing his despair than in writing the next classic.
But Hem was far from being alone in his insecurity.
“We all self-conscious, I’m just the first to admit it.”
Countless creatives have come forward about their self-consciousness and insecurities.
On the big screen, Will Smith exudes confidence, but he’s openly admitted that he still doubts himself daily, and what people see as confidence is his reaction to fear.
The actress Kate Winslet once admitted that some mornings before filming, she’d see herself as a fat, ugly fraud who would get fired at any moment. Can you believe it? A once-in-a-generation talent who’s won Academy Awards, Golden Globes, Emmys, and Grammys thinks she’s not good enough.
I’m sure the abuse she received from the media during the success of “Titanic” didn’t help her self-confidence, either. But that’s a whole different story.
There is also Tennessee Williams, the southern novelist, who once admitted, “I don’t believe anyone ever suspects how completely unsure I am of my work and myself and what tortures of self-doubting the doubt of others has always given me.”
Nobody is safe. Successful creatives are almost always plagued with insecurity.
Self-doubt and creativity go hand in hand.
This isn’t all speculation.
Neuroscientists will tell you that the deep-seated insecurities of these highly accomplished creatives make scientific sense.
Feelings of insecurity light up neurons in our brains associated with creativity. I’m not that smart, so I won’t get into details, but there’s a strong correlation between feelings of insecurity and creativity.
This begs the question: are all insecure people creative? Or are all creative people insecure?
I put my money on the latter.
While Shel Silverstein was working at Playboy drawing cartoons, he needed constant reassurance from Hugh Hefner. Shel was one of the leading cartoonists in Playboy, and he was still deeply insecure.